Published on January 13, 2020. Last Updated on December 30, 2025.
Most people understand that estate planning is important. They know they should have documents in place that name someone to make financial decisions, healthcare decisions, and eventually handle their estate after death. As an elder law attorney, I routinely meet individuals who are highly motivated to “get their documents done” and feel a sense of relief once everything is signed.
Unfortunately, far too many families discover—often during a medical emergency—that having documents alone is not enough.
A healthcare crisis can quickly become a legal crisis when intentions are unclear, communication is missing, and family members are left guessing about what their loved one truly wanted. This article explains why that happens, how to prevent it, and why clear communication is just as important as the legal paperwork itself.
The Foundation: Essential Estate Planning Documents
Most comprehensive estate plans include several core documents:
- A financial power of attorney, which authorizes someone to manage financial affairs if you become incapacitated
- A healthcare power of attorney, which allows someone to make medical decisions on your behalf
- A will or trust, which outlines how your assets should be handled after death and names an executor or trustee
Many people do a good job selecting who they believe is the “right” person for each role. They often choose a spouse, adult child, or trusted family member and feel confident that everything will work smoothly.
However, that confidence can be misplaced if the most important step is skipped.
The Most Common Mistake: Assuming Your Agent Knows What You Want
One of the most common problems I see is this: people appoint agents and decision-makers but never clearly explain what their wishes actually are.
They assume:
- “My spouse knows how I want things handled.”
- “My children will figure it out.”
- “They’ll just do what’s best.”
Unfortunately, these assumptions often lead to confusion, disagreements, and sometimes full-blown legal disputes.
Legal authority without guidance leaves too much room for interpretation. When your wishes are not clearly communicated, even well-intentioned agents may make decisions that conflict with what you would have wanted.
Why This Becomes a Crisis During Healthcare Emergencies
Healthcare emergencies are emotional, stressful, and fast-moving. Decisions often need to be made under pressure and with limited information.
If your healthcare agent doesn’t know these key viewpoints, they’re forced to guess:
- Your beliefs about medical treatment
- Your views on quality of life versus longevity
- Your wishes regarding life-sustaining treatment
When multiple family members are involved, those guesses often conflict. Each person may believe they are honoring your wishes, even though their interpretations differ. This is how a healthcare crisis turns into a family conflict—and sometimes a legal battle.
“They’re Not Fighting Over What Mom Wanted…”
I often share this observation with clients:
Children rarely fight over what mom or dad wanted.
They fight over what mom or dad intended.
When intentions are clearly stated, families tend to respect them, even if they disagree personally. When intentions are vague or never discussed, every family member fills in the blanks differently.
I have seen situations where siblings say with absolute certainty:
- “Mom intended for us to sell the house.”
- “No, mom intended for one of us to keep the house.”
- “Dad intended for us to use the money this way.”
Each person genuinely believes they are right. The conflict arises not because someone is acting maliciously, but because the wishes were never clearly communicated.
Financial Powers of Attorney: More Than Just Paying Bills
A financial power of attorney gives your agent broad authority. That authority can include paying bills, managing investments, selling property, and handling long-term care planning.
However, without guidance, your agent may not know:
- How you prefer your bills to be paid
- How conservative or aggressive you are with investments
- Whether you prioritize preserving assets or spending for comfort
- How you feel about gifting or helping family members financially
Even small differences in approach can lead to tension or accusations of wrongdoing. Clear communication protects both you and the person you appoint.
Healthcare Decisions Require Even More Clarity
Healthcare powers of attorney are particularly sensitive. Medical decisions often involve deeply personal beliefs about dignity, independence, and end-of-life care.
Your healthcare agent should understand:
- Your views on life-prolonging treatment
- Your wishes if recovery is unlikely
- Your feelings about pain management and comfort care
- Any religious or personal beliefs that affect medical choices
While living wills and advance directives can help, they are not substitutes for real conversations. Written documents work best when they support—not replace—clear communication.
Executors and Estate Administration
Even when a will or trust divides assets equally, disputes can still arise. Executors often face difficult decisions, such as:
- Whether to sell or retain a family home
- How to handle sentimental items
- How quickly assets should be distributed
If your executor doesn’t understand your intentions, they may feel pressured by other beneficiaries or second-guess their decisions. This can strain relationships and delay estate administration.
A brief conversation explaining your priorities can prevent years of resentment and confusion.
Simple Ways to Communicate Your Wishes
Communicating your intentions doesn’t require complex legal drafting. What matters most is that your wishes are expressed clearly and consistently.
Efficient ways to communicate your wishes may entail:
- Writing a letter or email to your agents explaining your wishes
- Holding a family meeting so everyone hears the same message
- Discussing your decisions directly with the people you appoint
These conversations don’t need to cover every detail. Even general guidance can make a significant difference.
Why Putting It in Writing Matters
Putting your wishes in writing creates clarity at a time when emotions often run high, and memories can be unreliable. It removes guesswork and provides a clear reference point for the people you have chosen to act on your behalf. When agents and family members can look to your written guidance, they are far less likely to question what you intended or feel uncertain about difficult decisions.
Written communication also serves an important protective function. It helps prevent misunderstandings, reduces the risk of conflict among family members, and protects agents from accusations that they acted improperly or in their own interest. Just as important, it promotes family harmony by ensuring everyone is working from the same understanding of your wishes.
Not every preference needs to be legally binding or formalized in a document drafted by an attorney. In many cases, a straightforward written explanation—such as a letter, email, or personal statement—can provide enough guidance to avoid confusion and conflict when it matters most.
Learn How to Protect Your Family the Right Way
Understanding how to communicate your wishes effectively is just as important as having the right legal documents. Education empowers you to make informed decisions and avoid common mistakes.
Bellomo & Associates offers free educational workshops on estate planning and asset protection. These workshops are designed to help individuals and families understand not only what documents they need but also how to use them properly to prevent conflict and protect their future.
If you want to ensure your healthcare decisions and estate plans truly reflect your wishes—and that your family understands them—join us for an upcoming workshop or contact our office today. Taking this step now can help prevent a healthcare crisis from becoming a legal and family crisis later.
